Well, this week we learnt mostly about non-verbal communication and the various types of non-verbal communication technics that can be used.
One that particularly interesed me was oculesics (I hope the spelling is right!). Oculesics basically refers to the usage of one’s eyes to convey a particular message. Especially in my culture (I am Indian if anyone was wondering.), where we do not actually say much, our eyes serve a very important purpose. For example, if I were to spend a night out at the club with my friends, I would have to ask my mother for her approval first. Most of the time when this happens, although she nods her head in approval, her eyes tell a different story. I know that she is displeased as she never looks at me when I ask her for permisson. Basically, she is using reverse psychology by agreeing and disagreeing at the same time. It is amazing isn’t it?
Furthermore, I used to learn classical dance when I was younger and the emphasis that they had on the eyes was extremely great. When one dances, all the emotions have to be shown through the eyes. You do not have to look at an advertisement or look at the television to know about occulemetics. You just have to observe the people around you.
Like for instance, there is this girl in a few classes of mine. She just stares at me everytime I walk in. Mind you, its not just any other normal stare. If only looks could kill, I would have been a pile of ashes by now.
However the thing about using your eyes right, one doesn’t know whether it is positive or negative. Let’s go back to the girl whom just stares at me. I mean I do not really know whether she is staring at me because she hates me or maybe I am staring at her too. I cannot possibly go up to her and outrightly ask her “Hey why are you staring at me for!”. Firstly, the Asian culture does not allow us to practise much of this without feeling embarrassment. Secondly, she is probably going to think I am out of my mind if she in the end has no problem with me at all. The usage of the eyes to convey a message is very subjective.
Moreover, if if the girl just looks like that at every single person, then I would be the one to blames for coming up with a subjective opinion. If you want to use your eyes to convey a message to someone you have to be sure that the person reading your eyes knows what you are really trying to say. That means you and the other person need to know each other really well. Furthermore, one has to ensure that the message sent is equal to messgae received. This means that both parties involved have to be getting the same message through the eyes. Another fault with the usage of the eyes that you cannot “privately” send a message. I mean its not just me who notices that this particular girl stares. There a lot of others as well. Hence, if u send a message through the eyes, it might up result in being sent to unintended parties and inicidentally they might misintepret the message one is sending and as a result miscommunication occurs.
Oculesics is useful in cases where only non-verbal cues are used and they are very revealing. For example, Indian classical dance which places a lot of emphasis on this shows simple emotions that are similar across cultures. For example happiness is revealed with the widening of the eyes and a smile on the face whereas anger is expressed by widening of the eyes, arching of the eyebrows and lips scorning. As it is seen, oculesics is best used with affect displays as it paints a clearer picture of what the communicator is trying to say.
Therefore, when you really come to think of it, usage of the eyes to convey a message might just lead to having one to have false assumptions, and information.
Boy, am I glad looks cannot kill! 
I encourage you to try the following experiment with the woman who stares at you.
Describe (dispassionately) the behavior you are observing. for example,
“Each time I walk into class, I see you staring at me very intently. I get the feeling that you dislike me based on your facial expression. Have I done or said something to make you angry with me?”
If you think of it as an experiment (perhaps you can write a paper about it), you are less likely to get caught up in the whirlwind of emotion and learn something valuable about communication and about yourself.
Albert Mehrabian, a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at UCLA, is well-known for his publications on the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages. His findings on inconsistent messages of feelings and attitudes have been quoted throughout communication seminars worldwide, and have also become known as the 7%-38%-55% Rule.
According to Mehrabian, these three elements account differently for our liking for the person who puts forward the message: words account for 7%, tone of voice accounts for 38%, and body language accounts for 55%.
This is completely consistent with my own observations on communication. Think of how tone of voice and facial expression can change the meaning of a simple sentence: “You are going to do this for me.”
This sentence can be phrased to be:
An angry demand:
You ARE going to do this for me!
Amazement at someone’s generosity:
You are going to DO this for me?
Sarcastic disbelief and a putdown:
YOU are going to do this for ME …
In each case, the bulk of the meaning is carried by the non-verbal expression.
Often, I will work with a client whose style is ineffective. Based on their behavior, they come across as cold, meek, boring, overbearing, aloof, apologetic, arrogant, petulant, nervous, emotionless, abstract, harsh, saccharin, aggressive, or hostile.
These elements of style are most often expressed in non-verbal behavior.
For more go to:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian
Hi your advice is very much appreciated. I am going to try asking her that question the next time she comes to class!
HAHA!
My goodness, you have to show me that girl next time! Anyways what you said reminds me of ‘ah bengs’. You know how a stare can start off a fight. So please dont go and confront her, she might just turn into an ah lian and before we know it, CAT FIGHT!
Funny.
hey, I would like you to know that I enjoy reading your journal entries =))) I’m not very sure why I like it.. maybe because I feel that you enjoying yourself even though you are writing for academic purposes. It’s great, let’s enjoy ourselves while hard at work! yay!!
I agree with you somewhat, because it’s always the eyes that give it away. When we lie, we cannot help the way our eyes are telling another story. Yet I feel that our facial expression and body language is a huge contributing factor too. The eyes alone cannot possibly tell a story. Together with our slight frowning and more, we complete the puzzle.
Mini! Who’s that girl? Do we know her? You must show me who she is man.. So rude.. Maybe I can help you with the staring. Haha.